Tuesday, April 03, 2012

Marriage Preparation Course - Class 2

The second class was "Communications in Love". In the beginning of the class, we were being told to look into the eyes of our fiancé for a minute. It's funny that I couldn't help but tear while I look into Danny's eyes. I can't explain why but I just felt touched. I recalled so much of what we have gone through in the past, it was like just happened yesterday while we just knew each other. Did we never look into each other's eyes like this before? It doesn't ring a bell, I won't be surprised if this is the first time we do so, try this with your beloved.

The class start with this reading - "The best gift we can give to the person we want to spend our life with is ourselves. In giving ourselves, however, the way in which we do it is of vital importance. If we are careless, much of what we say and do can be miscommunicated. But if we really work at it, we can communicate our personhood to each other in a beautiful ways, and our daily lives can be filled with intimacy and closeness. To make this communication a reality, we have to be committed to revealing ourselves to each other. "

However some of us might not even understand ourselves enough, hence the opening exercise is for us to examine ourselves honestly, so we can look at ourselves and discover our worth. The exercise with questions such as : what are the things you like best about yourself, you don't like yourself when .., ares of your personhood that you want to improve, a compliment you received recently and etc.  It's funny that one of the question "Three talents I have", both danny and I left it blank coz we can't think of any talents we have. :D

Then the second exercise is meant to help the couple to get a little better acquainted and, at the same time, to have some fun. It's a list of daily habit and you are suppose to check those for yourself, such as : do you pick your nose, do you bite your nails, are you a picky eater, do you pass gas often, do you burp, and etc. This exercise is to let your fiancé know more about your habit so it will not cause surprise, irritation, or even serious difficulty when two person going to stay together after married.

Some meaningful reading of the night :
Personal communication means talking about you, me, and us instead of about things, events, and other people. Personal communication is heart-to-heart, conversation is merely head-to-head. The tragic reality is that too many couples do not really get to know each other until after they are married, they sail through their engagement believing that the other person is going to change and fit the dream. Then one day they find out they never did know each other, and they file for divorce. 
Some couple say they want to get to know each other by living together before they are married. The truth of the matter is, there is no such thing as a trial marriages. Any human relationship is based solely on the level of commitment two people had to each other. If my commitment to a person is one in which I have one foot out the back door so that I can leave when I become displeased with that person, then it is not a permanent commitment. There is no way I can practice or pretend that I will love my beloved, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I am committed to this or I am not. 

Listening. In its deepest sense, listening means that you are fully present to your fiancé, that he or she has one hundred percent of your attention. Listening means you want to experience what your fiancé is experiencing when he or she speaks. Listening is what you do in order to hear more of your fiancé than just his or her words. It puts you in touch with your beloved as a person.
If my fiancé say that he or she does not want to go to the party tonight, what do I hear? If I am really listening, perhaps I hear the need for just the two of us to be alone. One of the strongest reason for not listening is that I really do not wan to hear what my fiancé has to say when his or her words conflict with my expectation. My inward focus on my feelings, desires and needs can make me miss the most meaningful words of my life. If my focus is on me, then when you tell me that you love me I will heard how you can fulfill me and meet my needs. But will I hear your need to be loved by me?
In oder for me to become a better listener for you, I have to change. You have to help me change. You had to help me know what makes you feel more at ease, more understood, and more important. You also have to help me to be more aware of when and how I am not listening.

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