Marriage Preparation Course - Class 4

The class #4 was the most embarrass topic; it's "Sex in Marriage". 

The truth of the matter is not many couple will talk about sex openly and honestly; however we couldn't agree more that sex is very very important in a marriage. It marvelously expresses and deepens the love between husband and wife. And love is, of its very nature, life giving. 

Sex is totally engaging, and it is personal. Because each of us is a unique person and make us an unique couple, the intimate unions of our hearts, minds, and bodies will also be special and unique, so this week's exercise was for us to speak openly with our fiancé/fiancee about our thought on sex and discuss about our beliefs, attitudes, and expectation for a love relationship. And lastly share our thoughts on having children. 

As usual, some meaningful reading of the night :

Actually, sex has very little to do with organs and technique. It has everything to do with where we are with each other in our overall life together: the good morning kiss, the way we talk to each other, the look in our eyes, the way we touch, talking everything over, not being able to wait to be with the other person. These are just as important to our sexual experience of each others as the most intimate cares at night. That's it. That is the name of the game when it comes to sex. The more you are really involved with each other all day long in every way, the more exciting and delightful sex will be for you two. 

A sexual relationship has the power to give life. That power is what makes sexual communication the most meaningful expression of who a husband and wife are to each other. To conceive a child is to say, "I commit myself to you; I belong to you in a unique way, and you and our children are the center of my universe." It is to say, "I really believe that you and I are so responsible that we intend to trust each other completely" 

When it comes to deciding whether or not to create life from their love, a man has no right to ask a woman to become pregnant unless he is also willing to be a full time father. It has to be a couple pregnancy, not just the woman's. If a man is thinking about being a father, he has to ask himself if he is willing to be as involved in the raising of the children as he expects his wife to be. If his answer is no, then he really should ask himself if he is ready to marry her. 

Marriage Preparation Course - Class 3

We've learnt how to discover the true beauty of the one we love from the first two classes, and the 3rd class is about what does marriage really means in Catholicism; hence the "God and Marriage".

Catholicism view marriage as a permanent and life long commitment between a man and woman; and it's one of the deepest sources of happiness. Our Father asks us to believe that marriage is of the utmost importance to Him because He wants so much for His child. He wants us to fulfill each other's deep human need to love and to be loved... for a lifetime.

I don't want to get into too much details of the Catholicism. Nonetheless regardless of your religion, it's a beautiful thing to have a special person to go through your life journey with you; and you will be longing to be present in his/her life journey of "worse, the poverty, and the sickness" as part of the wedding vows. Marriage is not just a piece of paper, it's for you to realize what it is to be "bone of your bone and flesh of your flesh", it's holy and it's lifelong.

Marriage Preparation Course - Class 2

The second class was "Communications in Love". In the beginning of the class, we were being told to look into the eyes of our fiancé for a minute. It's funny that I couldn't help but tear while I look into Danny's eyes. I can't explain why but I just felt touched. I recalled so much of what we have gone through in the past, it was like just happened yesterday while we just knew each other. Did we never look into each other's eyes like this before? It doesn't ring a bell, I won't be surprised if this is the first time we do so, try this with your beloved.

The class start with this reading - "The best gift we can give to the person we want to spend our life with is ourselves. In giving ourselves, however, the way in which we do it is of vital importance. If we are careless, much of what we say and do can be miscommunicated. But if we really work at it, we can communicate our personhood to each other in a beautiful ways, and our daily lives can be filled with intimacy and closeness. To make this communication a reality, we have to be committed to revealing ourselves to each other. "

However some of us might not even understand ourselves enough, hence the opening exercise is for us to examine ourselves honestly, so we can look at ourselves and discover our worth. The exercise with questions such as : what are the things you like best about yourself, you don't like yourself when .., ares of your personhood that you want to improve, a compliment you received recently and etc.  It's funny that one of the question "Three talents I have", both danny and I left it blank coz we can't think of any talents we have. :D

Then the second exercise is meant to help the couple to get a little better acquainted and, at the same time, to have some fun. It's a list of daily habit and you are suppose to check those for yourself, such as : do you pick your nose, do you bite your nails, are you a picky eater, do you pass gas often, do you burp, and etc. This exercise is to let your fiancé know more about your habit so it will not cause surprise, irritation, or even serious difficulty when two person going to stay together after married.

Some meaningful reading of the night :

Personal communication means talking about you, me, and us instead of about things, events, and other people. Personal communication is heart-to-heart, conversation is merely head-to-head. The tragic reality is that too many couples do not really get to know each other until after they are married, they sail through their engagement believing that the other person is going to change and fit the dream. Then one day they find out they never did know each other, and they file for divorce. 

Some couple say they want to get to know each other by living together before they are married. The truth of the matter is, there is no such thing as a trial marriages. Any human relationship is based solely on the level of commitment two people had to each other. If my commitment to a person is one in which I have one foot out the back door so that I can leave when I become displeased with that person, then it is not a permanent commitment. There is no way I can practice or pretend that I will love my beloved, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I am committed to this or I am not. 

Listening. In its deepest sense, listening means that you are fully present to your fiancé, that he or she has one hundred percent of your attention. Listening means you want to experience what your fiancé is experiencing when he or she speaks. Listening is what you do in order to hear more of your fiancé than just his or her words. It puts you in touch with your beloved as a person.

If my fiancé say that he or she does not want to go to the party tonight, what do I hear? If I am really listening, perhaps I hear the need for just the two of us to be alone. One of the strongest reason for not listening is that I really do not wan to hear what my fiancé has to say when his or her words conflict with my expectation. My inward focus on my feelings, desires and needs can make me miss the most meaningful words of my life. If my focus is on me, then when you tell me that you love me I will heard how you can fulfill me and meet my needs. But will I hear your need to be loved by me?

In oder for me to become a better listener for you, I have to change. You have to help me change. You had to help me know what makes you feel more at ease, more understood, and more important. You also have to help me to be more aware of when and how I am not listening.