Wedding Prep #1 - Venue booked

It's been more than half a year Danny and I were preparing our wedding. Now we are 2 months away from photoshooting, 3 months from ROM, then 5 months from the actual day. I think we started planning it too far ahead and we've lost the momentum. Hence my advise, 6 months preparation is fine and more than that will only give you more excuse to procrastinate. :p
 

Enroll the "Catholic Marriage Preparation Course" is definitely the first thing we need to do. Then the next thing on top of our list is to book the venue. Initially I was reluctant to have a reception dinner for my wedding, simply because I don't like the idea of making a show out of my wedding (you know what I mean), anyway I was convinced (of course by Danny) in the end but I'm still looking for something special, an intimate dinner which is not too formal so I can still have time to catch up with my guests. And most important is to make everyone enjoy themselves. There we choose the Avillion at Port Dickson. Ahhhhh~~ I'm going to have my wedding on the beach! It's like a dream comes true to me. I think I have a lot of dreams have came true, I know I'm lucky, I'm counting my blessing. :)
 

Then the next thing is booking a pre-wedding photoshooting package. Danny and I don't really fancy this, so we just sign a very basic package in the wedding fair without much survey. It's really basic that it only includes 1 photo album, 1 medium sized photo frame, limited number of gowns for both photoshooting and actual day, and even without the "ji mui" photo. Hehe. Now we are 2 months away from the photoshooting and I'm looking forward too. I want to take the photo with Goppy!! 

homesick

Third month in SG and I'm getting homesick now. Is that just me or Singapore is really boring, probably just  because I have no friends and family here. I have no idea how I ended up in this city and why do I have to start new life considering I'm no longer a young and energetic lad.

I miss my crib, I miss Goppy and of coz I miss my friends and family.

Marriage Preparation Course - Class 4

The class #4 was the most embarrass topic; it's "Sex in Marriage". 

The truth of the matter is not many couple will talk about sex openly and honestly; however we couldn't agree more that sex is very very important in a marriage. It marvelously expresses and deepens the love between husband and wife. And love is, of its very nature, life giving. 

Sex is totally engaging, and it is personal. Because each of us is a unique person and make us an unique couple, the intimate unions of our hearts, minds, and bodies will also be special and unique, so this week's exercise was for us to speak openly with our fiancé/fiancee about our thought on sex and discuss about our beliefs, attitudes, and expectation for a love relationship. And lastly share our thoughts on having children. 

As usual, some meaningful reading of the night :

Actually, sex has very little to do with organs and technique. It has everything to do with where we are with each other in our overall life together: the good morning kiss, the way we talk to each other, the look in our eyes, the way we touch, talking everything over, not being able to wait to be with the other person. These are just as important to our sexual experience of each others as the most intimate cares at night. That's it. That is the name of the game when it comes to sex. The more you are really involved with each other all day long in every way, the more exciting and delightful sex will be for you two. 

A sexual relationship has the power to give life. That power is what makes sexual communication the most meaningful expression of who a husband and wife are to each other. To conceive a child is to say, "I commit myself to you; I belong to you in a unique way, and you and our children are the center of my universe." It is to say, "I really believe that you and I are so responsible that we intend to trust each other completely" 

When it comes to deciding whether or not to create life from their love, a man has no right to ask a woman to become pregnant unless he is also willing to be a full time father. It has to be a couple pregnancy, not just the woman's. If a man is thinking about being a father, he has to ask himself if he is willing to be as involved in the raising of the children as he expects his wife to be. If his answer is no, then he really should ask himself if he is ready to marry her. 

Marriage Preparation Course - Class 3

We've learnt how to discover the true beauty of the one we love from the first two classes, and the 3rd class is about what does marriage really means in Catholicism; hence the "God and Marriage".

Catholicism view marriage as a permanent and life long commitment between a man and woman; and it's one of the deepest sources of happiness. Our Father asks us to believe that marriage is of the utmost importance to Him because He wants so much for His child. He wants us to fulfill each other's deep human need to love and to be loved... for a lifetime.

I don't want to get into too much details of the Catholicism. Nonetheless regardless of your religion, it's a beautiful thing to have a special person to go through your life journey with you; and you will be longing to be present in his/her life journey of "worse, the poverty, and the sickness" as part of the wedding vows. Marriage is not just a piece of paper, it's for you to realize what it is to be "bone of your bone and flesh of your flesh", it's holy and it's lifelong.

Marriage Preparation Course - Class 2

The second class was "Communications in Love". In the beginning of the class, we were being told to look into the eyes of our fiancé for a minute. It's funny that I couldn't help but tear while I look into Danny's eyes. I can't explain why but I just felt touched. I recalled so much of what we have gone through in the past, it was like just happened yesterday while we just knew each other. Did we never look into each other's eyes like this before? It doesn't ring a bell, I won't be surprised if this is the first time we do so, try this with your beloved.

The class start with this reading - "The best gift we can give to the person we want to spend our life with is ourselves. In giving ourselves, however, the way in which we do it is of vital importance. If we are careless, much of what we say and do can be miscommunicated. But if we really work at it, we can communicate our personhood to each other in a beautiful ways, and our daily lives can be filled with intimacy and closeness. To make this communication a reality, we have to be committed to revealing ourselves to each other. "

However some of us might not even understand ourselves enough, hence the opening exercise is for us to examine ourselves honestly, so we can look at ourselves and discover our worth. The exercise with questions such as : what are the things you like best about yourself, you don't like yourself when .., ares of your personhood that you want to improve, a compliment you received recently and etc.  It's funny that one of the question "Three talents I have", both danny and I left it blank coz we can't think of any talents we have. :D

Then the second exercise is meant to help the couple to get a little better acquainted and, at the same time, to have some fun. It's a list of daily habit and you are suppose to check those for yourself, such as : do you pick your nose, do you bite your nails, are you a picky eater, do you pass gas often, do you burp, and etc. This exercise is to let your fiancé know more about your habit so it will not cause surprise, irritation, or even serious difficulty when two person going to stay together after married.

Some meaningful reading of the night :

Personal communication means talking about you, me, and us instead of about things, events, and other people. Personal communication is heart-to-heart, conversation is merely head-to-head. The tragic reality is that too many couples do not really get to know each other until after they are married, they sail through their engagement believing that the other person is going to change and fit the dream. Then one day they find out they never did know each other, and they file for divorce. 

Some couple say they want to get to know each other by living together before they are married. The truth of the matter is, there is no such thing as a trial marriages. Any human relationship is based solely on the level of commitment two people had to each other. If my commitment to a person is one in which I have one foot out the back door so that I can leave when I become displeased with that person, then it is not a permanent commitment. There is no way I can practice or pretend that I will love my beloved, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I am committed to this or I am not. 

Listening. In its deepest sense, listening means that you are fully present to your fiancé, that he or she has one hundred percent of your attention. Listening means you want to experience what your fiancé is experiencing when he or she speaks. Listening is what you do in order to hear more of your fiancé than just his or her words. It puts you in touch with your beloved as a person.

If my fiancé say that he or she does not want to go to the party tonight, what do I hear? If I am really listening, perhaps I hear the need for just the two of us to be alone. One of the strongest reason for not listening is that I really do not wan to hear what my fiancé has to say when his or her words conflict with my expectation. My inward focus on my feelings, desires and needs can make me miss the most meaningful words of my life. If my focus is on me, then when you tell me that you love me I will heard how you can fulfill me and meet my needs. But will I hear your need to be loved by me?

In oder for me to become a better listener for you, I have to change. You have to help me change. You had to help me know what makes you feel more at ease, more understood, and more important. You also have to help me to be more aware of when and how I am not listening.

Marriage Preparation Course - Class 1

I have been reminded myself to blog about the Marriage Preparation Course Danny and me is going to attend before we have started it; yet I've been procrastinating til now where it's been 3 weeks we have gone through it. Bad habit! now I'm trying so hard to recall what has been shared for the past 3 weeks. :p

The Marriage Preparation Course is a Catholic Programme to assist couple prepare for their married life. There is no teaching during the session, it's merely a sharing session from every couples participate; and there are some reading and exercise to assist you in discovering further in yourself and your fiance, as well as spending time together to talk honestly about your expectation in coming marriage life.

Despite the troublesome for us to travel from Singapore to Seremban every week to attend this; it's overall quite interesting. Although Danny and I have been together for years, but how often can we really spend time like this in telling each other how do we feel and what do we expect. A lot of time in the session I felt touched and surprised on the view of Danny in me or marriage.

The first session was "Love in Marriage". Firstly, they distribute a couple pak to us with a list of personal characteristics, as eg : stubborn, possessive, loyal, loving, lazy, fun and etc... I'm suppose to rate myself and Danny in each of the personal characteristic, and Danny to do the same as well. Then we exchange. From this exercise, I'm surprised how differently Danny think about me than I think about myself. No, it's not that he doesn't understand me but rather I've never realize it. After this exercise I learn to be more observant and sensitive, and I realize why Danny see me in that way and it also helps me discover more about him from his rating.

The second exercise is to do a questionnaire to reveal your expectation in marriage. Such as do you expect the husband to wear the pants in the family all time or a 50/50 proposition, or does the husband expect the wife to be submissive to his ambitions, or the wife expect companionship from the husband all time and etc. This exercise does not mean to list out what do you want your husband/wife to follow, but it's to tell your expectation honestly and try to compromise. After all, relationship or marriage is all about compromising. I'm happy Danny and myself are quite compatible in this sense as we are having similar expectation in marriage.

After the exercises, there are some readings and sharing, each of the couple were asked to share how they knew each other and how they know he/she is the one. It's a very warmth atmosphere knowing each couples has been through a lot to reach their current stage and now they (us as well :)) are tying the knots. Some good reading of the night :

To love is a decision. If a couple bases their love for each other on their feelings, their love will be something that comes and goes. Feeling are simply not dependable. If love is a feeling, then the only thing we can do is enjoy it while it comes and hope for it to come back soon when it's not there.

When my love is based on the feelings I'm experiencing at that time, I become focused on myself rather than on the person I love. I respond to what pleases me, to what turns me on. I focus on personal needs. When both people in a relationship do this, sooner or later they will 'grow out of love', just as they 'grew in love'.

If love, however, is the decision to focus away from myself and on my beloved, then I'm in full control of love. Love becomes something I can choose to have at any moment of my life. I can choose to focus on my beloved not just when our romance is at its peak, but when I feel angry, resentful, hurt, or depressed. 

Romance is God's way of having us begin to be less self-centered and more other-centered. As such, romance is important, and we should strive to keep it in our lives no matter how long we are married. But we also have to recognize that on those days when romance and tender feelings are absent, we can still decide to love.

3rd week and counting

It's my 3rd week on board; I've started handling some cases on my own now. Pressure pressure. ~

Well, after working on Oracle for 7 years since my first job, now I'm with Oracle and I'm even selling it now.. Honestly I'm quite happy to join Oracle; however I'm really struggling now. I never know it sells sooooooooo many kind of products, and definitely have no experience in selling. Luckily I dealt with client a lot when I was in Accenture, at least I won't be struggling too much on this part.

So far I still find this job interesting. A lot to learn and it provide a good career growth to me. BUT, I miss my expat life. Ahhhh~~ I wish I have ever got chance to travel again for work assignment, slim chance for now, too bad, :(