I have been reminded myself to blog about the Marriage Preparation Course Danny and me is going to attend before we have started it; yet I've been procrastinating til now where it's been 3 weeks we have gone through it. Bad habit! now I'm trying so hard to recall what has been shared for the past 3 weeks. :p
The Marriage Preparation Course is a Catholic Programme to assist couple prepare for their married life. There is no teaching during the session, it's merely a sharing session from every couples participate; and there are some reading and exercise to assist you in discovering further in yourself and your fiance, as well as spending time together to talk honestly about your expectation in coming marriage life.
Despite the troublesome for us to travel from Singapore to Seremban every week to attend this; it's overall quite interesting. Although Danny and I have been together for years, but how often can we really spend time like this in telling each other how do we feel and what do we expect. A lot of time in the session I felt touched and surprised on the view of Danny in me or marriage.
The first session was "Love in Marriage". Firstly, they distribute a couple pak to us with a list of personal characteristics, as eg : stubborn, possessive, loyal, loving, lazy, fun and etc... I'm suppose to rate myself and Danny in each of the personal characteristic, and Danny to do the same as well. Then we exchange. From this exercise, I'm surprised how differently Danny think about me than I think about myself. No, it's not that he doesn't understand me but rather I've never realize it. After this exercise I learn to be more observant and sensitive, and I realize why Danny see me in that way and it also helps me discover more about him from his rating.
The second exercise is to do a questionnaire to reveal your expectation in marriage. Such as do you expect the husband to wear the pants in the family all time or a 50/50 proposition, or does the husband expect the wife to be submissive to his ambitions, or the wife expect companionship from the husband all time and etc. This exercise does not mean to list out what do you want your husband/wife to follow, but it's to tell your expectation honestly and try to compromise. After all, relationship or marriage is all about compromising. I'm happy Danny and myself are quite compatible in this sense as we are having similar expectation in marriage.
After the exercises, there are some readings and sharing, each of the couple were asked to share how they knew each other and how they know he/she is the one. It's a very warmth atmosphere knowing each couples has been through a lot to reach their current stage and now they (us as well :)) are tying the knots. Some good reading of the night :
To love is a decision. If a couple bases their love for each other on their feelings, their love will be something that comes and goes. Feeling are simply not dependable. If love is a feeling, then the only thing we can do is enjoy it while it comes and hope for it to come back soon when it's not there.
When my love is based on the feelings I'm experiencing at that time, I become focused on myself rather than on the person I love. I respond to what pleases me, to what turns me on. I focus on personal needs. When both people in a relationship do this, sooner or later they will 'grow out of love', just as they 'grew in love'.
If love, however, is the decision to focus away from myself and on my beloved, then I'm in full control of love. Love becomes something I can choose to have at any moment of my life. I can choose to focus on my beloved not just when our romance is at its peak, but when I feel angry, resentful, hurt, or depressed.
Romance is God's way of having us begin to be less self-centered and more other-centered. As such, romance is important, and we should strive to keep it in our lives no matter how long we are married. But we also have to recognize that on those days when romance and tender feelings are absent, we can still decide to love.
