Project 3.0

Finally went to the nursery. Something that I've been wanted to do for a long long time. What's best is when you do it with your loved one.

Thank you for doing this with me and I love it when we do things together. 

Now I'll think of you whenever I look at my balcony. The fish, the plant, the wine bottles... all the good time we've spent together.

 

 

 

Beautiful

 Becoz god want to tell me how lucky I am. 

Thank you

Thank you for making me a better person.

If I have not tell you enough, I'm so glad to have found you; someone I can look highly of and always set my minds at rest when having you by my side. You are great and that make me want to strive for a better self too, I want to be a better person, for us to stay happy together, forever. 

I can picture us growing old together, hand in hand, sharing life's great moments, keeping each other company. We might be annoyed by each other at times but we will be living, loving, laughing, smelling rose as we go, the best is yet to be.

Having you

I'm lying if I say my past marriage doesn't affect me as a person. No, how can that be, as much as I want to deny, it has changed me. Good and bad. I love my new life, I learn how to treasure things that truly meaningful to me but there is still this little voice in my head that keep telling me not to trust easily, not to fall in too fast.. but I am who I am, I am not a person that is smart in this game, I am terrible in protecting myself, so I've been having this tussle with myself.

I'm having trust issue, out of my control, that's what the trauma has shaped me. Then, till I met you, someone who I know I can truly count on, someone who accept me wholeheartedly. Thank you for walking into my life. I want to be the person you can count on, too.

Love is

Love is, when your bf can't stand the smell of the stinky tofu yet he go along with it for you to have it. 😁

Happy New Year 2021!

Many has said 2020 is a terrible year. But to me it’s nothing close to bad because I’ve never been so productive before. This year, I finally quit from the firm that I worked for almost 9 years. It was never an easy decision to step out from a comfort zone but I’m glad that I did that, it’s something new to me but that push me to learn and grow. I also got myself a total of FIVE certifications in merely a year! Not to mention the new hobby like hiking, cycling and yoga that help me lost almost 6kg since April, and I feel great about it. I would like to continue working on my diet/exercise regime in this coming new year and hopefully to shed off another 2-3kg and maintain it.  

There were so many changes in this year, some are bad but most of it are good. I guess the biggest change was I got finally/legally divorced just right when I stepped into 2020, I wasn't too emotional over it when that happened but was more like feeling relief, because I knew it will only gets better. However thing was still in a mess in the beginning and I was losing my mind and made some mistake that I still regret until now. I struggled but eventually got it over and now move on with a new life that I'm feeling blessed.

 

I’ve started working from home since March and albeit I felt disconnected from friends and colleagues in the beginning but it turn out I got even closer with many of them because we just learn to treasure the company more. If there is a silver lining of this pandermic, it’s that it teaches us not to take things for granted; the freedom we used to have, the convenience of driving/flying home, spending time with the people we care ... 

 

2020 didn’t start off great but it surprise me as one of the best year for me, I’m hopeful for my new chapter in 2021. In this coming new year let us all stay safe, stay positive and stay happy.

Marriage Story

Watched the marriage story. The movie is so real and it’s so heavy for me especially with what I’ve been through for the past one year. Getting a divorce is grief-filled, it’s ugly, it’s painful, it’s just one of the thing you don’t want to do but you just have to do it. It gets even more complicated when there are kids involved. You want to protect the kids and remove them from the battle between you and your soon-to-be-ex but the fact is you get into the battle for the kids. Fighting in a divorce law suit is difficult and tiring, but I will never give up what my kids deserve although it could be hurtful to me to be accused unnecessarily.

I’ve lost a husband, I was betrayed, to be honest there is so much hatred in me towards him, but he is the father of my kids, I will put them in front of everything even my own life, I don't want them to lose a father. So I just gotta swallow all the bitterness and let him continue being the father of my kids.

It just got me recalled before married. I’m always proud of myself, I’m independent, I’m financially self sufficient, I’m not-dumb and not-unattractive, but after we got into marriage, I just went along with him and his life because I thought that’s what a wife should do. Eventually I just got smaller and smaller until I lost myself, but I thought that was fine, although I feel small but I just tell myself to own it, be a wife and a mother, that’s enough, and I thought at least all my devotion would be appreciated, but heck no, he got sick of me when I wore out myself to be the mother of his kids.

It's ok, I've failed my marriage but I'm proud of myself once again to have this strength to walk out from this disastrous marriage.

And this, right now, is the worst time, it will only get better. The waiting is the hardest part.

Happy birthday to myself

I'm thankful with all the birthday wishes I received, it truly made my day. It's a different birthday for me this year, it's the first time I'm spending it without someone I call a partner after a decade. There is no celebration, nor expensive gift, nor romantic dinner, but I'm at peace and I'm feeling contented. I'm counting my blessing for I have food to eat, clothes to wear, a place to sleep, a job I like and supportive friends and family who have stand by me to pull through this difficult time, and most importantly, my two lovely girls who loves me more than anything else. It's ok, I lost my husband but I gain back myself, I've loved, I've lost and I've learnt. Now I am back, welcome back.

it's been a while

it's been a while since I last blog....

It was two years ago since my last post.. look back what have I done for the past two years, what else besides my new responsibility as a mom, while still struggling to adapt to this not-so-new place...

My cousin, Chung Hoe has passed away two days ago, and this make me wanna return to write something here. It's really painful to me as we have very close age gap and we grow up together from Kampung Pasir to Lobak.. I'm one of the youngest in the family hence he is one of the few cousin who calls me Jie Jie. There is so much emotion I have but it's too painful to put it into word.. I just don't want to think about it anymore and life goes on..

It's even more painful when I can't be there to pay my last respect to him coz Im pregnant and was told not to attend the funeral. I know my relatives just loves me and don't want anything happen on me so I don't insist, I don't want them to worry about me. Time like this makes me feel so sorrow for being home away, feeling so helpless and left out for not being able to be there for all the person I care. Everytime I miss a family gathering or trip I feel a sense of emptiness and lost.

36w/6d

One more week and I'm officially full term. I've gained a total of 12kg now. Well, not too bad... hope the next few weeks can go easy on me.

Probably due to too much walking over the weekend, baby is kicking really actively and I can feel the contraction in my uterus for the past few days. It makes my belly rock hard and worse I had some spotting... I thought I'm going into labor anytime soon but I didn't feel any pain so Dr just told me not yet. But Dr also mentioned since I'm into 37 weeks soon so he is not too worry if baby want to pop out anytime now. Moreover, baby is already 2.9kg! It's a bit big considering my petite size. Alright alright, I shall walk more..

Third trimester has not been easy for me, past few weeks I had serious rib pain and it felt like a knife stabbing into my rib cage everytime I lie down and get up from bed. Then I constantly feel the numbness in my palm and feet. Not to mention the frequent urination, short of breath, fatigue and STRETCH MARK!!!! If there is one thing I'm happy with, my feet size has grown one size bigger, I hope it stay in this size so no more kid department shopping for my shoes after this.

Anyway, it's the final countdown now. I can't wait to see my baby come into the world; in my arm crying and kicking. Pray for my baby to be healthy and strong, pray for a smooth delivery process with no complication, pray for a enjoyable confinement period for baby, the dad and myself.

三个人一条心

I know it's not easy. Stop telling me how difficult it is to deal with delicate new born without having a confinement lady or helper. No doubt I'm worrying too, but we have no choice. Don't tell me it's a mission impossible; it's tough but it's not impossible, I'm sure there are parents who able to manage it by themselves.

Most importantly, I trust Danny. He will be my confinement caretaker and I'm sure he can take care of bb and me very well. That's why I chose him to be my husband; because I have faith in him where I can always count on.

It really touched my heart when Danny told me we are 三个人一条心 and assure me we can go through it together hand in hand. He is never a romantic person and I guess this is probably one of the most touching word he say to me.

27 weeks

I need to refer to my calendar to know I'm at week 27 now. It used to be off the top of my heads in my 1st and early 2nd trimester whenever people ask me which week I'm on.

Just weight myself and I've gained a total of 10kg now. I'm feeling so so so heavy already. Perhaps with my shorter torso, I find it even difficult to just sit straight. All I want to do it lie down on bed. Still got 3 months to go ler, hou san fu aaarrrgghhhh.....

2 years down.. another 2 years

Time flies, it's been two years since I came to SG. Well, it doesn't really that blink of an eye; in fact it's been stressful for the past 2 years.

I wasn't intend to settle down in SG initially. Then the whole thing about for a better future of next generation changed my mindset; although Danny has been wanted to settle down in SG since the beginning. 

It's not an easy decision to make; especially for us who already having an established life in Malaysia. We gotta start from beginning to start our new life, Danny and I are working really hard on this. It might not be frugal living, but there is a big portion of our monthly income that goes into the commitment and savings towards our purpose. And now you know why am I feeling annoyed when people say we are having good life because we are earning SGD, that sound really sarcastic because those who say so apparently are having a better life than us in Malaysia.

So it's been two years now. I guess we are progressing well. We bought a condo, we are expecting new family member, we are able to afford some vacations.. things are on track and all we need now is continue working hard and wait for the day to move in our new place. Which is another 2 years for the construction to complete. 

I remember the day Danny and I booked the condo; it's the second happiest moment I had in SG (of coz the first goes to we found out we have a bun in the oven), and I thought it's the end of my distress for wanted to settle down as early as we can in sg. But recently I've been feeling stressful and emotional again; perhaps the pregnancy hormonal change; but I believe it's also due to the additional financial burden while we are expecting the little one; plus the retrenchment rumors circulating in my workplace. Well, actually there is nothing much I can do at the moment, so I'm writing this post just to remind myself to cherish what I have and hang on there for another 2 years. Just can't wait to end our nomad life..

Feel the bun kicking for the first time, I think

I'm at my 15w/5d today and I think I felt our baby's movement for the first time! I'm not very sure though coz it might be just gas rumbling or simply due to the abdominal stretched.

So I was lying on bed chatting with Danny on whatapps, then suddenly I felt a tapping sensation from inside my tummy. I thought it was my shorts that is too tight causing the discomfort so I took off the pant (:p). Then I felt it again! I think BB was happy because I just had a very hearty meal. The feeling was so amazing I just dunno how to describe it. I told Danny immediately and it might sound silly but next thing I know I found myself tearing, blame the pregnancy hormone again. Hehe

Bb, u must behaved guai guai in mummy's tummy o. Daddy and mummy can't wait to see u in July and we promise will shower you with loads of love.

P/S :
So the "kick" I felt wasn't the real baby movement. lol. Coz I didn't feel it anymore after that until I'm at week 21 which is few days ago. I finally felt the real quickening few days ago and this time I'm confirmed.

It's not a tapping sensation like how I described previously, instead it's like popcorn popping or hunger pang. And while I put my hand on my tummy I can actually feel it! It's so amazing and I just can't help to giggle everytime I feel it. It's just soooo amazing I have no other better word to describe it.

While we are expecting our little one #2 - first trimester

I'm always an optimistic person and I thought I will be the lucky one who doesn't need to go through morning sickness in my pregnancy. I WAS SO WRONG! in fact my morning sickness was quite bad I almost cried every few days; not sure it was due to the discomfort from morning sickness or the hormone. 

At week 6, I was still happily telling Lezann and the peeps I am not feeling any discomfort and everyone thought I am so lucky. Then my morning sickness kicks in at week 8 and it totally change my world. I couldn't enjoy any food and I was so fatigue all the time all I wanna do is lay on bed for the whole day. The usual 10-15 minutes walking distance to MRT station is killing me everyday and it's very silly but yes I cried few times while I'm walking home from MRT station. Arghh, blame the hormone again.

I feel so nausea all day, not just morning, I had no appetite to eat yet feeling hungry every few hours. The nausea gets worse whenever I'm hungry, so I had to force myself to eat then put up with the softer version of queasiness throughout the day. I didn't throw up although I'm feeling nausea until I reach week 10, then  I ran to toilet several times a day to puke. However, puking is not too bad as I felt much better after doing so. Just tat sometimes I have to be quick in spotting a toilet whenever I need it.

Then once I entered into second trimester at week 13, the morning sickness just magically gone overnight. One day before I was still hugging the toilet bowl to cry, the next day I woke up and feeling all energetic and wanna eat all the food I can. How funny yet big relief to me, of coz to Danny too. :D

Now I look back, it was just a month that I suffered the morning sickness but it seems like years for me when I was going through it. I'm literally counting day by day and thought I will never get back my normal diet anymore. How silly.

At this moment I'm in my second trimester, I still feeling nausea sometimes, but not too frequent, I can finally enjoy my food; although still not as enjoyable as before pregnancy. I'm still feeling hungry every 2-3 hours. I do have some new symptoms such as rapid heart rate, minor leg cramp and itchy skin. Aside from these I'm feeling energetic, happy, and all positive. ^___^ 

I know I will suffer again when third trimester come, so I better enjoy myself to the max during this period. Continue my queen treatment at home by Danny. :p

While we are expecting our little one #1 - how we found out

I'm writing this post at my week 9 pregnancy; but I'm probably publishing it in the second trimester :D

It's Chinese pantang to keep it as a secret until second trimester but I just couldn't resist but have told a lot of my friends already as early as week 6. lol.. Anyway, at least I'm not announcing it on FB. :p

So how did we find out? It was during my trip to HK. Since I've been TTC (trying to conceive) for some times, I actually bring along the pregnancy test kit with me because my period will be due during the trip. :p

The day before I tested it, Danny and I went to the famous Wong Dai Sin temple and I "kao chim" and asked when will I have a baby, the chim said it will come in autumn. Then the next day I tested with pregnancy test kit and it return positive. Amazing or not? It's really autumn in lunar calendar lo..

The reason I so gan jeong to test it was because we actually planning to attend the wine & dine festival in HK, and I wanted to play safe not to drink if I were pregnant. So in the end I didn't drink lo, hehe, and thats how Doreen find it suspicious and keep asking if I'm "yao jor". lol

I tested it on tat day my period due, the double lines on the pregnancy test kit was very light. When I showed it to Danny, he just refuse to believe I'm pregnant and didn't show much response. Grrrhh!!! I'm so disappointed, I've been always fantasy on how big reaction can Danny be when he knows tat he is becoming a daddy soon.

Then we return from HK and I tested again with home pregnancy test kit, the double has become very obvious, and we know it's confirmed. Then Danny start becoming all bossy. No cold drinks, no fast food, no instant noodle, no late night sleep and etc. Good side of it, also no house chore… Danny is doing all of it! He do all the house chore, prepare food for me (either tapao or cook by himself), make milk for me whenever I'm hungry and putting up with my temper whenever my hormone acting up. I know I'm such a lucky gal and I'm blessed with a supportive husband.

Happy go lucky

So things got settled by itself. Everything back to normal, business as usual.

So I was worried for months for nothing. In fact, a friend of mine told me I doesn't seems like worrying much, so she said this is happy go lucky literally. LOL

Well, so my motto of life now is stay happy so I can go lucky all the time! I still need that a lot.

Happy birthday to myself

(not in the mood of blogging in English)

今天是我的３１岁生日。。 酸酸的，忧忧的。。最近还蛮＂诸事不顺＂。。事业遇到了一个大危机，想要的不断尝试却不断失望，身边也失去了一些东西，就连Goppy也将离我而去，情绪低落。。

昨天切了个蛋糕，已经有好多年都没有切生日蛋糕了。。许了个愿，希望愿望成真。。

Update :

This was my facebook status, I really mean it. Things may be tough now, but it will be fine, it's just the matter of time. Tough time don't last, tough people do. Ush!

It's been one of those days recently, but all the birthday wishes I receive just reminds me of how lucky I am to be surrounded by lovely friends and family all the time. I am counting my blessing and I believe everything will be fine soon. Thank you so much for the birthday wishes and it means a lot to me. — feeling blessed.

Just miss home

1 year in Korea + 1 year in Singapore = 2 years away from KL.

I miss my home sweet home in Puchong, I miss welcomed home by Goppy with his mad-wagging tail, I miss cooking at home with Danny, I miss swimming in the pool in my condo, I miss my family and friends...

Change is the only constant. Danny and I weren't plan for all these yet there are so many changes for the past 2 years. Despite missing home, I consider these changes are good. I had my most memorable working assignment in Korea, not just earning the working exposure but a very precious friendship with the colleagues back then, buddies now. Then unexpectedly Danny got a job offer in Singapore and eventually I join him after my working assignment in Korea which ended our LDR. Then we tied the knot.

Life in Singapore is alright. It can get boring at times but we met a lot of interesting people here. A 40++ years old guy who quit his lawyer job and become a full time rock song composer; a young vocalist lady who sing to save up for her backpack trip in Europe then got funded after she wrote 12 songs to a kid program; a Czech working and holiday'ing in Singapore; an Italian couple working as freelance Journalist and traveling at the same time..... These people are fun, they might not having luxury lifestyle but they are definitely happy. I love talking to them, I get to know many interesting things happen in every corner in the world, and make me realize life isn't all about career and money. Sometimes I wish I can be as free as them and travel around the world with my beloved just like them; at the same time I miss home and wish to settled down as soon as possible, ironic huh? yeah I know. Well, since change is the only constant and nobody can predict the future, just be happy and enjoy the moment ;) 

Probably the last post of wedding prep

I was on leave for a week. It was a super busy week as expected. We traveled KL-Seremban almost everyday throughout the whole week. @.@

We went to Avillion for the food testing and finalize the dinner thingy. Collected the wedding favor which is a shot glass designed by ourselves :D. Met relatives and friends to give them the invitation cards. Went to church to settle the booklet. Collected photo album which also printed wrongly and gotta send back to the bridal studio for rectifying. Prepare the dowry. Do planning for the actual day rundown. Meet up with actual day photographer for discussion.......

Finally it's the finale of our wedding preparation, can't wait for the party in 2 weeks time. ^_^y