Marriage Story

Watched the marriage story. The movie is so real and it’s so heavy for me especially with what I’ve been through for the past one year. Getting a divorce is grief-filled, it’s ugly, it’s painful, it’s just one of the thing you don’t want to do but you just have to do it. It gets even more complicated when there are kids involved. You want to protect the kids and remove them from the battle between you and your soon-to-be-ex but the fact is you get into the battle for the kids. Fighting in a divorce law suit is difficult and tiring, but I will never give up what my kids deserve although it could be hurtful to me to be accused unnecessarily.

I’ve lost a husband, I was betrayed, to be honest there is so much hatred in me towards him, but he is the father of my kids, I will put them in front of everything even my own life, I don't want them to lose a father. So I just gotta swallow all the bitterness and let him continue being the father of my kids.

It just got me recalled before married. I’m always proud of myself, I’m independent, I’m financially self sufficient, I’m not-dumb and not-unattractive, but after we got into marriage, I just went along with him and his life because I thought that’s what a wife should do. Eventually I just got smaller and smaller until I lost myself, but I thought that was fine, although I feel small but I just tell myself to own it, be a wife and a mother, that’s enough, and I thought at least all my devotion would be appreciated, but heck no, he got sick of me when I wore out myself to be the mother of his kids.

It's ok, I've failed my marriage but I'm proud of myself once again to have this strength to walk out from this disastrous marriage.

And this, right now, is the worst time, it will only get better. The waiting is the hardest part.