The things that we lost, is impossible to get back. I often wonder how she felt when she say she regrets never spending enough time with her mother. Maybe this is the same feeling of remorse. Maybe it is really lost and is impossible to get back. And then I wonder at the effort that she puts in to be with her family again. She placed them as the priority in hope of catching up. In hope probably, of making up for lost time and not repeat the same mistakes. Noble acts, which might bear fruit. The opportunity for a second chance. I feel so much of what she felt the past couple of years. I felt the regrets. I felt the single handed claps. I felt her moment of loneliness. I felt the uncertainty.
It has been few years already, I chose to hide how much I miss them in front of people because I still feel very hurtful whenever I recall how I disappoint them. I carry them in my heart all the time and miss them badly. It's not just about regret, lonely and uncertainty, but helpless. Helpless due to I am all alone by myself although I am surrounded by friends and family, and I can do nothing to bring them back and compensate what I have done on them anymore.
I know it is not the same scenario, but as mentioned by you, you are walking over my footprints now. The thing that we lost is impossible to get back. And regardless how bad enough you want it and how hard you try, it doesn't mean you will get what you want. Thus just cherish what we have at the moment and learn to let go. Afterall, life still goes on. C'est la vie.
